We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
