if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
