Someone shit on the floor
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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