Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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