i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
