I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I wear drunk well.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
