Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
