I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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