How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
