His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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