Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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