And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
