I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize