don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
