He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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