she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
