My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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