True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
