My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
