First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
