I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
