Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize