dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
