Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
