He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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