I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Every concussion has its silver lining
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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