Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
