This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
