I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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