Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
