I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
