Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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