my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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