So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
