mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
