I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize