im having a threesome with these popsicles
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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