If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
