He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
