question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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