I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize