Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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