you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This couple is walking their pig around campus
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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