True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
