either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize