My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
