how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
