she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's rum buckets o'clock
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
