the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
