i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
