There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
