Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just pee around me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize