ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
