I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
