I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
