Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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