fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
