I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
