I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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