I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
