I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
