I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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