he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
