so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
