In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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