Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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