I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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