Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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