Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
