And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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