Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize