I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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