honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize