A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize