im about as happy as oj after his trial
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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